2nd XI vs Essex

There was an air of tension amongst the 2s as we returned to the site of the biggest scandal that BUCS Tier 5 North East London has ever seen, where last season we had been on the receiving end of Essex’s match fixing that nearly led to our relegation.

Still fresh in our minds, the boys were eager to exact their revenge. As we warmed up pre-match, the captain Chand could be seen visibly shaking, a single tear rolled down his cheek. When asked what was wrong, it came to light that a car carrying 4 members of the team had not yet arrived. With the match drawing closer we began to fear these players would never arrive and without them our chances of winning looked bleak. What were we to do without our star players Matt Sibley and Arun Mahey. While the team descended into a state of panic, Sibley’s 1.3 litre Ford KA could be seen bursting over the horizon just in time. Everyone could rest easy.

As the game commenced, there was some initial confusion as to why the old aged referee was dressed in an essex kit and holding a stick. When Shiv pointed out how confusing it was for the players as he looked like a part of the team, it transpired this man was not in fact the referee but Essex’s star player. Bruce clenched his stick in anger and looked in disgust at this 60+ year old imposter- Bruce being all too used to being the oldest man on the pitch.

So began a battle for the ages, a test to see not only who was the best at hockey, but who could play for the longest before their back gave out. In the end Bruce came out the victor by running rings around this geriatric, and was rightly awarded Man of the Match for his efforts. Meanwhile, as the game progressed it became quickly apparent that as ever, Essex had selected two incredibly poor and bias referees. One lone man took it upon himself to tackle the injustice, hurling abuse at every decision, calling for a card literally every time anyone from Essex did anything and explaining to the refs the rules he didn't quite understand himself. While he expected the team to reward him with praise for his actions, they instead unfairly awarded Harry Mitchell with dick of the day.

A lackluster first half was improved upon thanks to a few tactical changes at halftime including bringing Joe Turnbull on upfront. A decision many people shook their head at considering the fact Joe was in his final year and had still never scored a goal, even in training. Today Joe was to prove those haters wrong. Thanks to a clever pass from Luke Holdsworth, Joe found the ball at his feet in front of an open goal. Time stood still as Joe tried to compute what he was supposed to in this situation. To everyone’s surprise, Joe connected and plunged the ball deep into the back of the net with a shot described after the game as ‘quite average’ and ‘lucky’.

Euphoria spread through the team as we emerged victorious against our most bitter of rivals. The 2s had now won their two first games of the season, equalling the number of wins they had achieved in the entirety of last season.

MOM: George Bruce

DOD: Harry Mitchell

Final Score: Essex 0-1 Barts

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